WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:19.000 [MUSIC] 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:20.000 All right, it looks like we're ready. 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:22.000 Jeannie, you want to get started? 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:32.120 Sure. Hi everybody. Thanks for coming to our webinar tonight or whatever time it 00:00:32.120 --> 00:00:36.320 may be where you are. We hope we have participation throughout the country and 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:42.120 anywhere around the world. It's open to anyone. We are excited to have 00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:49.360 Ashley Williams here who is a licensed clinical social worker and also a 00:00:49.360 --> 00:00:54.640 Desmoid tumor patient who is in active treatment, actively 00:00:54.640 --> 00:00:59.000 dealing with the disease, and all of the coping skills and 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:02.760 mental health challenges that we have in this journey. I'm 00:01:02.760 --> 00:01:07.720 Jeannie Whiting, I'm co founder and executive director of the 00:01:07.720 --> 00:01:11.440 Desmoid tumor Research Foundation. We were just 00:01:11.440 --> 00:01:14.640 commenting among ourselves that we're so excited about this 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:18.760 series on mental health tools, because we've never done 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:22.280 anything as comprehensive as this before. 00:01:22.280 --> 00:01:24.360 And we've had tremendous feedback 00:01:24.360 --> 00:01:27.240 about how meaningful it is to the patients. 00:01:27.240 --> 00:01:30.880 So we hope that you find something, some new tools, 00:01:30.880 --> 00:01:34.120 some new coping skills, some new ideas 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:38.640 that will give you peace and help in your journey 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:41.120 with your Desmoi tumor. 00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:44.480 And be aware that this will be recorded 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:47.440 and be made available on our website. 00:01:47.440 --> 00:01:51.120 So if you want to listen again, you'll be able to do that. 00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:54.520 I'll turn the time now over to our Director of Operations, 00:01:54.520 --> 00:01:58.080 Lynn Hernandez, who will introduce our speaker. 00:01:58.080 --> 00:02:00.240 Lynn. 00:02:00.240 --> 00:02:01.080 - All right, great. 00:02:01.080 --> 00:02:03.040 Thanks so much, Jeannie. 00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:05.960 So I would like to introduce our presenter this evening. 00:02:05.960 --> 00:02:08.640 You probably recognize this name in this space 00:02:08.640 --> 00:02:11.440 since this is a series. 00:02:11.440 --> 00:02:15.280 So Ashley Williams is a licensed clinical social worker 00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:18.400 and trauma counselor from South Florida. 00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:22.440 Back in 2015, she was diagnosed with a Desmoid tumor 00:02:22.440 --> 00:02:24.400 in her left leg. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.500 Since then, she's become passionate 00:02:26.500 --> 00:02:29.440 about helping patients heal from the trauma 00:02:29.440 --> 00:02:31.560 of their diagnosis and treatment. 00:02:31.560 --> 00:02:35.400 Her focus is on those with Desmoids, cancer, 00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:39.040 chronic illness, and other rare diseases. 00:02:39.040 --> 00:02:42.880 Having undergone multiple rounds of treatment herself, 00:02:42.880 --> 00:02:47.520 Ashley believes in a holistic mind and body approach. 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:51.800 She continues to help individuals from these communities 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:55.360 work through their trauma in her counseling practice. 00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:56.960 Welcome, Ashley. 00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:00.000 So before we get started, 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:05.000 I have a few instructions for our attendees. 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:07.760 We welcome questions via the Q&A. 00:03:07.760 --> 00:03:11.960 You'll see the Q&A icon at the bottom of your screen. 00:03:11.960 --> 00:03:15.520 So if you have a question for Ashley, please share it there 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:19.520 and she will try to get to it at the end of her presentation. 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:23.000 Also, you'll see that there's a chat function open 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:26.120 for your use to communicate with the community. 00:03:26.120 --> 00:03:28.720 Again, there's a little chat button below. 00:03:28.720 --> 00:03:32.240 If you click on that and you would like to share something 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:34.600 with the community, please do. 00:03:34.600 --> 00:03:36.560 This is unmonitored the chat. 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:40.360 So please don't post any questions for us in there, 00:03:40.360 --> 00:03:44.560 but we would love to have you share with the community. 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:47.180 So now I will hand things over to Ashley. 00:03:47.180 --> 00:03:51.120 - Thank you so much, Lynn and Jeannie. 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:53.120 It is so nice to be back. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:55.760 I love any time that I have the opportunity 00:03:55.760 --> 00:03:57.760 to meet with the Des Moines community 00:03:57.760 --> 00:04:01.400 and just talk about topics that I know so well. 00:04:01.400 --> 00:04:06.240 As Jeannie shared, I am currently waiting for results 00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:08.740 on my last round of active treatment. 00:04:08.740 --> 00:04:13.080 So I know what it is to be going through this diagnosis 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:15.960 in the process, but have also worked for quite a bit 00:04:15.960 --> 00:04:19.600 of time in the realm of trauma and trauma treatment 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:21.960 and mental health. 00:04:21.960 --> 00:04:25.820 And so for today, our topic is going to be 00:04:25.820 --> 00:04:28.640 on one of my favorite things. 00:04:28.640 --> 00:04:30.280 It's gonna be on self-care. 00:04:30.280 --> 00:04:34.960 I think that you can see my screen. 00:04:34.960 --> 00:04:37.180 So we're just gonna move ahead. 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:40.660 With self-care, this is something that is so, 00:04:40.660 --> 00:04:42.260 thank you very much, Lynn. 00:04:42.260 --> 00:04:45.020 This is something that's so important for us 00:04:45.020 --> 00:04:47.500 to talk about as Desmoid tumor patients 00:04:47.500 --> 00:04:52.500 because our experience tends to be for the long haul. 00:04:52.500 --> 00:04:55.060 And so how do we really take care of ourselves 00:04:55.060 --> 00:04:57.660 throughout courses of treatment, 00:04:57.660 --> 00:04:59.660 but also after treatment is over 00:04:59.660 --> 00:05:03.300 and whenever we're in a survivorship and recovery phase? 00:05:03.300 --> 00:05:05.020 As I've mentioned before, 00:05:05.020 --> 00:05:06.980 I'm a licensed clinical social worker 00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:10.140 and a certified clinical trauma professional. 00:05:10.140 --> 00:05:12.780 All of the information that I'm sharing with you today 00:05:12.780 --> 00:05:16.260 is intended to be informational and educational, 00:05:16.260 --> 00:05:19.860 but it's important to run it by your medical professionals 00:05:19.860 --> 00:05:21.980 and your own mental health professionals 00:05:21.980 --> 00:05:24.180 who are with you on this journey 00:05:24.180 --> 00:05:27.500 to see if some of the techniques and the strategies 00:05:27.500 --> 00:05:30.860 that we talk about are going to work specifically for you. 00:05:30.860 --> 00:05:33.040 Because even though I'm a mental health professional, 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:34.900 I am not your mental health professional, 00:05:34.900 --> 00:05:37.960 so I don't know all of the details to your case, 00:05:37.960 --> 00:05:40.780 but I'm hoping that some of these self-care strategies 00:05:40.780 --> 00:05:45.180 will be very beneficial and things that will help 00:05:45.180 --> 00:05:49.100 in really just bringing peace, calm, lower anxiety 00:05:49.100 --> 00:05:51.140 to the Desmoid process. 00:05:51.140 --> 00:05:52.340 So let's get started. 00:05:52.340 --> 00:05:58.380 I'm sure many of you have talked about self-care before. 00:05:58.380 --> 00:06:01.060 I'm sure many of you have seen images like this before 00:06:01.060 --> 00:06:03.140 when talking about self-care, 00:06:03.140 --> 00:06:06.160 but I do think it's really important to preface 00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:09.000 the topic of self-care with an understanding 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:11.200 of why it's so important. 00:06:11.200 --> 00:06:15.200 As a Desmoid patient, self-care can realistically 00:06:15.200 --> 00:06:20.240 kind of be pushed to the side because in reality, 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:25.240 our diagnosis, our treatment, our medical needs 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:28.360 can be very time consuming and they can take up a lot 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:31.520 of time and energy in our lives away from work, 00:06:31.520 --> 00:06:33.080 away from our family. 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:36.360 And so often we tend to, 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:38.800 like self-care is the first thing that's eliminated 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:42.880 because the thought is I already spend so much time on me. 00:06:42.880 --> 00:06:46.840 I already spend so much time on my medical experience, 00:06:46.840 --> 00:06:47.920 my medical journey. 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:51.180 And so when I'm not dealing with my Des Moines, 00:06:51.180 --> 00:06:54.560 let me go ahead and actually be a participant 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:56.620 in the lives of the people around me. 00:06:56.620 --> 00:06:58.640 And yes, that's very important, 00:06:58.640 --> 00:07:02.200 but it's also important not to neglect self-care 00:07:02.200 --> 00:07:04.640 because we feel like we're already so focused 00:07:04.640 --> 00:07:06.680 on ourselves with our diagnosis. 00:07:06.680 --> 00:07:09.000 And so today we're gonna talk about some strategies 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:12.880 of how can we focus on ourselves and our self-care 00:07:12.880 --> 00:07:15.860 because as these images portray, 00:07:15.860 --> 00:07:17.760 it's important for us to be able to take care 00:07:17.760 --> 00:07:20.360 of ourselves first before we're able 00:07:20.360 --> 00:07:22.820 to really give back to anybody else. 00:07:22.820 --> 00:07:24.960 We've all been on a flight before 00:07:24.960 --> 00:07:29.080 where we've heard the stewardess or the steward tell us, 00:07:29.080 --> 00:07:31.740 you know, if the oxygen masks come down, 00:07:31.740 --> 00:07:33.800 make sure you put yours on first 00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:35.920 before you put on somebody else's. 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:37.680 Because if you put on somebody else's 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:40.360 and you neglect taking care of yourself, 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:44.380 that has the potential for really negative repercussions. 00:07:44.380 --> 00:07:47.300 The image of a teapot is also really significant. 00:07:47.300 --> 00:07:50.000 I like this one because if we look at ourselves 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:54.440 as the teapot, we need to make sure that we're full of tea 00:07:54.440 --> 00:07:56.220 before we're able to pour it out 00:07:56.220 --> 00:07:58.200 and really give to other people. 00:07:58.200 --> 00:08:02.140 And so self-care is really about how do I invest in myself? 00:08:02.140 --> 00:08:05.500 How do I pour into myself so that I can go out 00:08:05.500 --> 00:08:09.000 and continue being an active participant in my life 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:12.000 and an active participant in the relationships in my life? 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:19.000 So I want to dispel a couple of myths about self-care 00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:22.380 and talk a little bit about what self-care is 00:08:22.380 --> 00:08:24.240 and what self-care isn't. 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:26.020 So according to this definition, 00:08:26.020 --> 00:08:28.080 I'm sorry, my images are on this screen, 00:08:28.080 --> 00:08:29.280 so I'm looking to the side, 00:08:29.280 --> 00:08:33.400 but what self-care is, it says self-care is any activity 00:08:33.400 --> 00:08:36.160 that we do deliberately in order to take care 00:08:36.160 --> 00:08:38.880 of our mental, emotional, and physical health. 00:08:38.880 --> 00:08:43.040 So self-care is action-oriented, self-care is a choice, 00:08:43.040 --> 00:08:44.760 self-care is deliberate, 00:08:44.760 --> 00:08:49.760 something that we incorporate into our lives intentionally. 00:08:49.760 --> 00:08:53.080 There are some myths about what self-care is, 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:56.960 So let me just kind of dispel those right off of the bat. 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.960 The first one is that it's a one size fits all type situation. 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:05.440 Anytime we talk about self-care, it is inevitable 00:09:05.440 --> 00:09:07.920 that there is going to be something associated 00:09:07.920 --> 00:09:11.520 with like a bath or a spa. 00:09:11.520 --> 00:09:14.920 And those things can definitely be self-care. 00:09:14.920 --> 00:09:19.520 But I think culture has kind of given us this narrow view 00:09:19.520 --> 00:09:23.280 of what self-care is and that it's more in line 00:09:23.280 --> 00:09:25.920 of like pampering ourselves and taking care 00:09:25.920 --> 00:09:29.560 of our physical body more than anything else. 00:09:29.560 --> 00:09:32.080 And so while this may be considered self-care 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:35.580 for some people, there are so many different facets 00:09:35.580 --> 00:09:38.780 of self-care and we're gonna talk about a few of them today. 00:09:38.780 --> 00:09:42.600 Self-care isn't anything that soothes you. 00:09:42.600 --> 00:09:44.560 Often we look at it from the perspective 00:09:44.560 --> 00:09:46.060 of I just wanna feel better. 00:09:46.060 --> 00:09:48.480 And so anything that makes me feel better 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:50.640 is going to be caring for myself. 00:09:50.640 --> 00:09:54.520 But if we look at that category of anything that soothes us, 00:09:54.520 --> 00:09:56.320 then we could be looking at alcohol, 00:09:56.320 --> 00:09:57.680 we could be looking at drugs, 00:09:57.680 --> 00:10:01.240 we could be looking at an excessive amount of anything 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:03.260 that in moderation might be okay 00:10:03.260 --> 00:10:04.600 or might even be good for us, 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:07.800 but in excess is not good for us. 00:10:07.800 --> 00:10:10.300 And so we're not looking for things 00:10:10.300 --> 00:10:12.760 that soothe us necessarily. 00:10:12.760 --> 00:10:15.720 We're looking for things that calm our nervous system, 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:18.400 but not necessarily things that soothe 00:10:18.400 --> 00:10:21.120 the emotions that we're feeling 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:23.960 or trying to numb the emotions that we're feeling. 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:27.400 Self-care is not selfish or indulgent. 00:10:27.400 --> 00:10:30.480 I know this is a major struggle for a lot of people 00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:33.320 and this can be a major struggle for me too, 00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:35.600 but self-care is not selfish. 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:37.840 Of course, we can look at it that way 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:39.920 because we're focusing on ourselves 00:10:39.920 --> 00:10:41.880 and we're focusing on the things that we need 00:10:41.880 --> 00:10:45.520 and how do I energize myself and fill myself up, 00:10:45.520 --> 00:10:48.360 but it's not selfish, it's not indulgent. 00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:51.680 it's actually very, very necessary thing 00:10:51.680 --> 00:10:55.360 in order to avoid burnout, medical burnout, 00:10:55.360 --> 00:10:58.040 desmoid burnout, and really continue 00:10:58.040 --> 00:11:00.460 to be an active participant in our lives. 00:11:00.460 --> 00:11:04.400 Self-care, I had this impression of like, 00:11:04.400 --> 00:11:05.840 it takes a long time. 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:09.800 Like, I have to dedicate a whole day to go into the spa, 00:11:09.800 --> 00:11:12.360 or I dedicate an hour to taking a bath. 00:11:12.360 --> 00:11:13.920 And during busier seasons, 00:11:13.920 --> 00:11:16.320 I might completely neglect self-care 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:19.860 because I just don't have the time to do it. 00:11:19.860 --> 00:11:23.360 But in reality, self-care can be standing up 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:26.620 and taking a walk around the office during your workday, 00:11:26.620 --> 00:11:29.780 taking a two-minute break, going to the kitchen 00:11:29.780 --> 00:11:32.540 and actually eating lunch or eating dinner 00:11:32.540 --> 00:11:34.780 at the time that you have allotted for you 00:11:34.780 --> 00:11:36.380 during your workday. 00:11:36.380 --> 00:11:40.700 They can be very simple, very time efficient, 00:11:40.700 --> 00:11:43.020 things that we incorporate into our day 00:11:43.020 --> 00:11:47.220 and don't require this big dedication of time 00:11:47.220 --> 00:11:48.220 on our calendar. 00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:51.760 Self-care is not always relaxing. 00:11:51.760 --> 00:11:53.860 And I think we have that idea too, 00:11:53.860 --> 00:11:55.660 of it's something that's just going to be 00:11:55.660 --> 00:11:58.840 like tranquil and peace and calm. 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:02.340 But in reality, self-care can be engaging in sports. 00:12:02.340 --> 00:12:05.720 Self-care can be engaging in friendly 00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:09.140 and boundary debate with people. 00:12:09.140 --> 00:12:12.440 There are a lot of different facets of self-care. 00:12:12.440 --> 00:12:14.240 And so it's not always gonna be something 00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:16.080 that's relaxing either. 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:18.640 It's gonna be something that's energizing. 00:12:18.640 --> 00:12:21.440 And sometimes the things that energize us 00:12:21.440 --> 00:12:23.560 are exhausting too. 00:12:23.560 --> 00:12:26.000 And so it's really finding the balance 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:27.360 between those things, 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:31.440 but it's not necessarily just looking for ways to relax. 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:34.720 That's a part of it, but not the complete picture. 00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:39.120 And finally, self-care shouldn't be used as a reward. 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:42.140 I have heard so many times I've done this myself, 00:12:42.140 --> 00:12:45.760 where I'll tell myself, you know what, I exercise today, 00:12:45.760 --> 00:12:49.180 so I deserve that cookie or I deserve that dessert. 00:12:49.180 --> 00:12:51.540 And because I did something else, 00:12:51.540 --> 00:12:55.260 that means now I can reward myself with self-care. 00:12:55.260 --> 00:12:57.540 And it's something that I give back to myself 00:12:57.540 --> 00:12:59.900 only when I've accomplished a goal 00:12:59.900 --> 00:13:02.280 or I've achieved something. 00:13:02.280 --> 00:13:05.020 I wanna take that mindset and that perspective 00:13:05.020 --> 00:13:08.380 off the table because self-care is not a reward 00:13:08.380 --> 00:13:11.300 for doing something or achieving something. 00:13:11.300 --> 00:13:16.300 self-care is a necessity in order to make it 00:13:16.300 --> 00:13:19.580 through this journey without feeling burnt out. 00:13:19.580 --> 00:13:22.580 And again, with being able to really engage 00:13:22.580 --> 00:13:25.060 and invest in our lives in a meaningful way. 00:13:25.060 --> 00:13:30.420 So there are many different realms of self-care. 00:13:30.420 --> 00:13:33.380 Today we're gonna be talking about some of the most basic. 00:13:33.380 --> 00:13:35.900 And so we're gonna be looking a little bit deeper 00:13:35.900 --> 00:13:39.420 into what does it mean to care for yourself physically, 00:13:39.420 --> 00:13:42.860 emotionally, spiritually, socially, intellectually, 00:13:42.860 --> 00:13:45.620 and self-care from a sensory perspective. 00:13:45.620 --> 00:13:49.900 There are more topics and more realms that we can add here, 00:13:49.900 --> 00:13:51.660 but these are the ones we're gonna focus on 00:13:51.660 --> 00:13:52.780 for this evening. 00:13:52.780 --> 00:13:56.340 I'm gonna pause here just for a minute 00:13:56.340 --> 00:13:58.940 because I'd like everyone who has joined us, 00:13:58.940 --> 00:14:02.060 if possible, to grab a piece of paper, 00:14:02.060 --> 00:14:04.060 grab a pen, grab a journal, 00:14:04.060 --> 00:14:07.020 something to write with, something to jot down. 00:14:07.020 --> 00:14:09.140 Because when we talk about self-care, 00:14:09.140 --> 00:14:12.820 It's great if we come up with like different topics 00:14:12.820 --> 00:14:15.040 and different strategies to talk about, 00:14:15.040 --> 00:14:18.180 but self-care requires action. 00:14:18.180 --> 00:14:21.320 And so I wanna make sure that everybody who's joining us 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:24.760 leaves tonight with a self-care plan. 00:14:24.760 --> 00:14:27.320 An action that is pertinent to you 00:14:27.320 --> 00:14:30.300 or things that you would like to try to incorporate 00:14:30.300 --> 00:14:32.400 into your self-care routine 00:14:32.400 --> 00:14:34.320 and the intentionality of bringing this 00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:36.100 into your daily life. 00:14:36.100 --> 00:14:38.040 And so again, we're gonna be talking about 00:14:38.040 --> 00:14:41.600 these six topics, you can put it across the top of the paper. 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:44.560 And then if there's something or a strategy that we talk about 00:14:44.560 --> 00:14:48.240 that you think like, okay, I could try that, or that might 00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:51.500 work for me, I want you to jot it down. If you think of 00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:54.520 something specific or something that we talk about jogs your 00:14:54.520 --> 00:14:58.280 memory, and it's not even necessarily something that we are 00:14:58.280 --> 00:15:01.840 explicitly talking about, I want you to write it down so that by 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:06.240 the end of our session and our time today, we can all walk away 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:13.520 with a plan and some action steps for how and in what ways can we really begin to incorporate 00:15:13.520 --> 00:15:21.440 this into our life. Okay, so the first one that we're going to talk about is physical self-care. 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:28.640 And I just want to preface that over the last three dealing with Des Moines sessions, we have 00:15:28.640 --> 00:15:36.160 talked through a lot of strategies for physical self-care. And so I'm going to touch on some 00:15:36.160 --> 00:15:43.200 of them tonight, but a lot of them are described much more in depth in previous sessions. In our 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:48.000 previous sessions, we've talked about dealing with trauma, dealing with trauma triggers, 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:55.920 dealing with grief, anxiety, fear, loneliness, just all of these emotions that can come up. 00:15:55.920 --> 00:16:04.080 And in our first session, really the ones to follow, we've talked about how trauma affects 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:11.200 and lives in our bodies. And so whenever we experience something like our Desmoid diagnosis, 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:20.320 or we experience treatment that is scary and that is hard, our body reacts in a way of trying to 00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:27.600 protect ourselves. Our body jumps into that fight or flight mode in an effort to protect ourselves. 00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:34.240 And we've talked before about how it's very important once our body has kicked into that mode 00:16:34.240 --> 00:16:43.520 to do practices or to engage in things that remind us that our body is safe or that we're in a safe 00:16:43.520 --> 00:16:50.400 place if we are. And how do we bring our nervous system, the one that's responsible for 00:16:50.400 --> 00:16:57.520 relaxing and for digesting and for resting, how do we bring that aspect of our nervous system back 00:16:57.520 --> 00:17:04.320 online. And so when we talk about physical self-care, we're really going back to those principles of how 00:17:04.320 --> 00:17:11.040 do I override my fight or flight nervous system that's creating anxiety, that's creating 00:17:11.040 --> 00:17:15.840 hypervigilance, which means I'm just like very aware of all of the potential threats in my 00:17:15.840 --> 00:17:23.600 surroundings. How do I kind of bring that back online so that I can bring rest to my nervous 00:17:23.600 --> 00:17:28.520 system. I haven't talked about this word before, but this word 00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:32.340 is essentially the definition for a lot of the strategies that 00:17:32.340 --> 00:17:36.060 we've talked about in the last couple of sessions. It's called 00:17:36.060 --> 00:17:40.380 introsception. And what that is, is it's the ability to sense 00:17:40.380 --> 00:17:43.860 what is happening in our body. Whenever we go through 00:17:43.860 --> 00:17:47.960 something challenging, whenever we experience a trauma, whenever 00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:52.880 we are maybe not trying to feel what's going in and going on in 00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:58.200 our bodies because it's painful, or because we're nauseous, or because we're sick, or 00:17:58.200 --> 00:18:00.960 because we're affected by our treatments. 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:06.520 Our body's natural reaction to protect us is to kind of disconnect our brain and our 00:18:06.520 --> 00:18:13.520 body so that we start to live inside of our heads, but we try to quiet the sensations 00:18:13.520 --> 00:18:16.280 and the feelings that are going on in our body. 00:18:16.280 --> 00:18:22.500 We live in a culture and a society that really believes in mind over matter. 00:18:22.500 --> 00:18:29.460 And so it is imperative for us to master our bodies by mastering our intellect and our 00:18:29.460 --> 00:18:31.100 brain function. 00:18:31.100 --> 00:18:36.360 And when our bodies are telling us, hey, you need to slow down, you need to rest. 00:18:36.360 --> 00:18:43.540 Often we can be praised for pushing our bodies past the point of what it's asking us to do. 00:18:43.540 --> 00:18:48.820 if it's asking us to rest, pushing ourselves past that and not allowing our bodies to slow us down, 00:18:48.820 --> 00:18:54.980 so to speak. And so when that happens, one of the most important things for us to do in regards to 00:18:54.980 --> 00:19:01.780 physical self-care and calming the nervous system is how do I bring my awareness back to what's 00:19:01.780 --> 00:19:08.420 going on inside of my body? How do I know what's happening here? That can be a really scary 00:19:08.420 --> 00:19:13.540 prospect, but we've talked through a lot of strategies like you can see in the calming 00:19:13.540 --> 00:19:19.620 the nervous system section of things like breathing. If I'm focusing on my breath, if I'm 00:19:19.620 --> 00:19:26.500 focusing on my in-breath, if I'm feeling kind of the cool air against my nostrils as I'm expanding 00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:33.060 my lungs, then this is a sensation that's taking place in my body that I'm bringing my awareness to 00:19:33.700 --> 00:19:37.580 actively helping to heal that disconnection that's going on 00:19:37.580 --> 00:19:39.900 between my brain and body. 00:19:39.900 --> 00:19:42.580 Last time in the anxiety session, 00:19:42.580 --> 00:19:45.460 we talked about something called body scans, 00:19:45.460 --> 00:19:48.380 which is a form, progressive muscle relaxation 00:19:48.380 --> 00:19:50.100 is a form of body scan, 00:19:50.100 --> 00:19:53.300 which is essentially, let me take a moment. 00:19:53.300 --> 00:19:56.180 Let me take five minutes and really bring my awareness 00:19:56.180 --> 00:20:00.020 and my attention to how are my feet feeling right now? 00:20:00.020 --> 00:20:02.740 Like what sensations are going on in my feet? 00:20:02.740 --> 00:20:04.880 and let me like sit there for a moment 00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:07.720 with my awareness on how my feet are feeling. 00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:10.320 And then I can bring my awareness up to my legs, 00:20:10.320 --> 00:20:11.880 then maybe my hips. 00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:15.360 And I'm really taking in what is my body telling me 00:20:15.360 --> 00:20:18.120 and what are the sensations in my body at the moment. 00:20:18.120 --> 00:20:24.040 Grounding, we've talked about a technique called 54321, 00:20:24.040 --> 00:20:29.260 which is whenever I am so out of touch with my body 00:20:29.260 --> 00:20:32.160 and I'm operating just in my brain space, 00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:36.280 how do I bring myself back to the present moment? 00:20:36.280 --> 00:20:37.280 I don't know about you, 00:20:37.280 --> 00:20:40.320 but whenever it comes to diagnosis and treatment, 00:20:40.320 --> 00:20:42.960 oftentimes I find that my thoughts either take me 00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:46.480 to the past of everything that I've been through, 00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:49.080 all of the challenges I've had to walk through, 00:20:49.080 --> 00:20:50.560 or it can bring me to the future 00:20:50.560 --> 00:20:53.240 of really wondering what's gonna happen next. 00:20:53.240 --> 00:20:55.440 How is this treatment gonna work? 00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:57.480 What are my results gonna be? 00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:01.900 And that can be very disregulating for our nervous system. 00:21:01.900 --> 00:21:06.460 if we are focused on the future or on the past. 00:21:06.460 --> 00:21:09.660 And so the grounding techniques really bring you back 00:21:09.660 --> 00:21:11.740 to the present moment. 00:21:11.740 --> 00:21:13.660 Earthing is another form of grounding. 00:21:13.660 --> 00:21:16.180 And so that's essentially having your body 00:21:16.180 --> 00:21:17.220 in touch with nature. 00:21:17.220 --> 00:21:19.580 It's like sitting outside with your feet in the grass 00:21:19.580 --> 00:21:21.140 or your feet in the sand. 00:21:21.140 --> 00:21:24.220 And science actually tells us that whenever your feet 00:21:24.220 --> 00:21:27.340 are in touch with a natural surface, 00:21:27.340 --> 00:21:29.780 there's an exchange of electrons that actually help 00:21:29.780 --> 00:21:31.100 to calm your nervous system. 00:21:31.100 --> 00:21:40.580 And so being outside, being in nature, really engaging with the elements of nature is really significant for calming your nervous system. 00:21:40.580 --> 00:21:45.180 And laughing and light heartedness is really important as well. 00:21:45.180 --> 00:21:55.700 So when we talk about physical self care, some of the practices might seem a little vague, but also there's very tangible practices for how do we do introception? 00:21:55.700 --> 00:21:58.980 How do we raise awareness to what's going on inside of our body? 00:21:59.340 --> 00:22:14.340 And that's really drawing our attention to my breath, drawing my attention to sensations that I'm feeling, drawing attention to my sensory experience as it interacts with nature or as it interacts with something else. 00:22:14.340 --> 00:22:18.180 I want to talk for a minute about sleep hygiene. 00:22:18.180 --> 00:22:22.260 It is so important whenever we're talking about physical self-care 00:22:22.260 --> 00:22:25.780 because sleep is something that is really difficult. 00:22:25.780 --> 00:22:29.460 It can be really difficult, especially if you're on treatment or if you're in pain. 00:22:29.460 --> 00:22:35.280 And so there are some strategies, some evidence-based strategies for tips 00:22:35.280 --> 00:22:39.760 that help us whenever we are trying to get the seven to nine hours of sleep 00:22:39.760 --> 00:22:41.640 and night that were recommended. 00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:44.840 So the first is checking your environment. 00:22:44.840 --> 00:22:49.840 Sleeping in a colder environment that is completely dark 00:22:49.840 --> 00:22:53.040 is what's recommended and suggested. 00:22:53.040 --> 00:22:58.040 Using your bed only for sleep is very like active 00:22:58.040 --> 00:23:01.720 in the science of sleep hygiene. 00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:06.180 And so we tend to use our beds to watch TV 00:23:06.180 --> 00:23:08.280 or to just hang out sometimes, 00:23:08.280 --> 00:23:09.640 or that's where we read a book 00:23:09.640 --> 00:23:11.560 or that's where we do something else. 00:23:11.560 --> 00:23:14.040 But if you're struggling to sleep, 00:23:14.040 --> 00:23:16.960 the recommendation is only using your bed 00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:19.960 for sleeping and the attempt to sleep. 00:23:19.960 --> 00:23:22.360 Because then there's a connection in your brain 00:23:22.360 --> 00:23:24.760 that's actually made that this is where I sleep. 00:23:24.760 --> 00:23:28.400 Avoiding napping because it can mess 00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:30.240 with the rhythm of your sleep, 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:32.600 avoiding alcohol, caffeine and nicotine. 00:23:32.600 --> 00:23:35.640 These are all things that turn your nervous system on. 00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:37.880 And so if your nervous system is turned on, 00:23:37.880 --> 00:23:40.760 if your body's developing cortisol and adrenaline, 00:23:40.760 --> 00:23:44.060 then those are going to keep you up 00:23:44.060 --> 00:23:46.420 and keep you from getting a good night's sleep. 00:23:46.420 --> 00:23:49.020 This one was a game changer for me. 00:23:49.020 --> 00:23:51.340 And so it's, I'm like excited to share it 00:23:51.340 --> 00:23:54.040 'cause I didn't know it before I learned it, 00:23:54.040 --> 00:23:56.660 but don't force yourself to go to sleep. 00:23:56.660 --> 00:23:58.540 If you are trying to go to sleep 00:23:58.540 --> 00:24:00.840 and you find that you're unable to, 00:24:00.840 --> 00:24:03.360 the science says give yourself 15 minutes 00:24:03.360 --> 00:24:04.960 to try to fall asleep. 00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:07.500 If you're not asleep within 15 minutes, 00:24:07.500 --> 00:24:11.340 it's best for you to get up and perform a task. 00:24:11.340 --> 00:24:14.540 Now it's recommended that we keep a list 00:24:14.540 --> 00:24:19.300 of very small tasks, I mean, on a pad by your bed 00:24:19.300 --> 00:24:21.380 or somewhere where you can access it. 00:24:21.380 --> 00:24:23.900 Something like unloading the dishwasher, 00:24:23.900 --> 00:24:25.620 something like folding laundry, 00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:27.460 something that's time limited 00:24:27.460 --> 00:24:30.340 that you can dedicate 15, 20 minutes to, 00:24:30.340 --> 00:24:34.140 to complete the task and then go back to bed and try again. 00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:36.340 But if we're having difficulty sleeping, 00:24:36.340 --> 00:24:40.580 Staying in our beds gives our brain the signal that, 00:24:40.580 --> 00:24:44.120 okay, this isn't necessarily equated with sleep. 00:24:44.120 --> 00:24:46.540 And so if I get up for periods of time 00:24:46.540 --> 00:24:48.320 and I try to finish a task, 00:24:48.320 --> 00:24:50.220 then I come back and try to sleep. 00:24:50.220 --> 00:24:52.960 That's actually an evidence-based practice 00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:57.500 for helping to get to sleep whenever you're struggling to. 00:24:57.500 --> 00:25:00.820 Avoiding blue light like your phone or your computer 00:25:00.820 --> 00:25:04.740 or your TV an hour before bed and following a sleep schedule. 00:25:04.740 --> 00:25:06.920 And so going to bed and planning to go to bed 00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:09.260 at the same time every night. 00:25:09.260 --> 00:25:11.260 Sleep is very important, 00:25:11.260 --> 00:25:15.380 especially for those who are on active treatment. 00:25:15.380 --> 00:25:16.620 And I know you might be thinking, 00:25:16.620 --> 00:25:18.620 some of you might like sleep a lot 00:25:18.620 --> 00:25:21.000 and some of you might not sleep very much, 00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:23.260 but especially being on active treatment, 00:25:23.260 --> 00:25:26.100 sleep is the time whenever our body 00:25:26.100 --> 00:25:29.780 switches into that rest and digest mode. 00:25:29.780 --> 00:25:31.980 And so that's the time when our body's really given 00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:34.640 an opportunity and a chance to recover 00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:38.020 from everything that it's endured during the day. 00:25:38.020 --> 00:25:39.620 The last ones I'll go through quickly 00:25:39.620 --> 00:25:41.020 because we've heard them before, 00:25:41.020 --> 00:25:43.040 we're all involved in the medical space. 00:25:43.040 --> 00:25:45.680 And so hydration is very important 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:48.660 for physical self-care, nutrition. 00:25:48.660 --> 00:25:51.600 And I wanna kind of separate hydration and nutrition 00:25:51.600 --> 00:25:56.600 a little bit from like maintaining your weight 00:25:56.600 --> 00:25:59.180 or maintaining your appearance. 00:25:59.180 --> 00:26:01.000 I think whenever we talk about things 00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:02.740 like hydration and nutrition, 00:26:02.740 --> 00:26:05.020 It's normally in the realm of dieting 00:26:05.020 --> 00:26:09.660 or being a certain weight for health reasons, 00:26:09.660 --> 00:26:11.860 but I'm looking at it more from, 00:26:11.860 --> 00:26:14.500 I'm not taking care of my body 00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:16.820 because my body is how I appear to the world. 00:26:16.820 --> 00:26:19.600 I'm taking care of my body because it's my home. 00:26:19.600 --> 00:26:23.620 And how do I create an environment for my body 00:26:23.620 --> 00:26:26.380 that my nervous system can feel safe 00:26:26.380 --> 00:26:28.860 and my nervous system can feel calm? 00:26:28.860 --> 00:26:31.180 And so eating a well-balanced diet 00:26:31.180 --> 00:26:33.820 is going to be different for everybody. 00:26:33.820 --> 00:26:36.540 For me specifically, I know food sensitivities 00:26:36.540 --> 00:26:39.300 play really heavily into what does that look like? 00:26:39.300 --> 00:26:42.740 And so certain foods might activate your nervous system 00:26:42.740 --> 00:26:45.180 where they don't activate mine or vice versa. 00:26:45.180 --> 00:26:49.060 And so being aware of these things can be really powerful 00:26:49.060 --> 00:26:51.780 in deactivating your nervous system. 00:26:51.780 --> 00:26:54.540 Intuitive eating is a form of interoception. 00:26:54.540 --> 00:26:57.380 So that word of like, how do I get in touch 00:26:57.380 --> 00:26:59.700 with what's going on inside of my body? 00:26:59.700 --> 00:27:04.220 Intuitive eating is how do I develop awareness 00:27:04.220 --> 00:27:05.460 towards hunger cues? 00:27:05.460 --> 00:27:07.100 Like how do I know when I'm hungry 00:27:07.100 --> 00:27:09.020 or how do I know when I'm full? 00:27:09.020 --> 00:27:11.700 And so if interoception feels like a little bit 00:27:11.700 --> 00:27:14.700 of a vague concept, intuitive eating can be 00:27:14.700 --> 00:27:17.380 a really powerful way to kind of jump into it 00:27:17.380 --> 00:27:19.300 because we're trying to listen to our body 00:27:19.300 --> 00:27:22.540 to give us cues for when we're hungry or when we're full. 00:27:22.540 --> 00:27:27.540 And so if we do that, that's a great way to start learning 00:27:27.540 --> 00:27:32.100 how to respond and react and listen to our body's cues. 00:27:32.100 --> 00:27:34.500 Now I know it's not that easy for everyone. 00:27:34.500 --> 00:27:36.500 Some of you who are on active treatment, 00:27:36.500 --> 00:27:39.980 eating might be like impossible or feel impossible. 00:27:39.980 --> 00:27:42.660 And so rather than intuitive eating, 00:27:42.660 --> 00:27:45.540 if I'm doing that and I'm on treatment 00:27:45.540 --> 00:27:49.540 and I have no appetite, then how am I supposed to do that? 00:27:49.540 --> 00:27:53.220 Well, that's where I really encourage you to touch base 00:27:53.220 --> 00:27:55.600 with your healthcare professional 00:27:55.600 --> 00:27:57.460 because there are different strategies 00:27:57.460 --> 00:28:00.260 for ensuring that you're getting enough food 00:28:00.260 --> 00:28:02.700 because that's also obviously really important 00:28:02.700 --> 00:28:03.860 in your physical health. 00:28:03.860 --> 00:28:07.940 Keeping routines, so keeping your medical routines 00:28:07.940 --> 00:28:10.020 and keeping a plan throughout the day 00:28:10.020 --> 00:28:13.240 is really valuable for physical self-care. 00:28:13.240 --> 00:28:15.620 And then finally, movement. 00:28:15.620 --> 00:28:17.640 We learn and the research is telling us 00:28:17.640 --> 00:28:21.700 that the entire purpose of our brain is to produce movement 00:28:21.700 --> 00:28:24.060 and that movement is really the only way 00:28:24.060 --> 00:28:25.980 that we interact with the world. 00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:28.080 And so again, when we talk about movement, 00:28:28.080 --> 00:28:31.060 we tend to think about it in terms of exercise 00:28:31.060 --> 00:28:33.020 and exercise only, 00:28:33.020 --> 00:28:36.240 but I'm not talking about exercise necessarily. 00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:40.140 Can exercise be a form of movement? 100%. 00:28:40.140 --> 00:28:41.380 But when I talk about movement, 00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:43.580 I'm also talking about things like, 00:28:43.580 --> 00:28:46.780 I'm gonna dance around the kitchen while I'm cooking dinner, 00:28:46.780 --> 00:28:50.700 or I'm going to do stretches in my room 00:28:50.700 --> 00:28:53.100 'cause that's what feels good to my body. 00:28:53.100 --> 00:28:55.180 I'm gonna stand up during my work day 00:28:55.180 --> 00:28:57.460 and I'm gonna take a walk around the office every hour 00:28:57.460 --> 00:29:00.440 and I'm gonna take laps just to get my body moving. 00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:02.820 It can be very small things. 00:29:02.820 --> 00:29:06.700 I remember when I was on treatment, when I was on chemo, 00:29:06.700 --> 00:29:08.700 there were days that I felt so sick 00:29:08.700 --> 00:29:12.520 and my like objective was I'm gonna get up out of this bed, 00:29:12.520 --> 00:29:15.420 gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get myself a cup of water 00:29:15.420 --> 00:29:18.860 and that's gonna be like my big outing for the day. 00:29:18.860 --> 00:29:20.500 And so even something like that, 00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:22.460 it doesn't have to be a commitment 00:29:22.460 --> 00:29:24.820 like running a mile every day. 00:29:24.820 --> 00:29:26.780 it could be something very, very small. 00:29:26.780 --> 00:29:30.640 The next area we're gonna talk about 00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:32.620 is emotional self-care. 00:29:32.620 --> 00:29:37.080 And the first thing that comes to mind is self-compassion. 00:29:37.080 --> 00:29:41.340 With our diagnosis, I think being kind to ourselves 00:29:41.340 --> 00:29:43.700 can sometimes be really challenging 00:29:43.700 --> 00:29:46.980 because for many, I know I've spoken to many people 00:29:46.980 --> 00:29:51.420 who share the sentiment of like, my body has betrayed me. 00:29:51.420 --> 00:29:53.720 And so how do I be kind to myself 00:29:53.720 --> 00:29:56.160 and how do I be kind to my body? 00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:59.880 We tend to beat ourselves up and be really self-critical 00:29:59.880 --> 00:30:02.760 whenever we don't have the energy we think that we should 00:30:02.760 --> 00:30:05.080 or we aren't able to engage in the same things 00:30:05.080 --> 00:30:06.880 that we used to. 00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:09.920 I currently have a disability, 00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:11.840 so my desmoid is in my leg 00:30:11.840 --> 00:30:15.840 and I am unable to walk very easily. 00:30:15.840 --> 00:30:17.040 It's pretty challenging. 00:30:17.040 --> 00:30:19.440 And so I'm about to, 00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:22.480 or I just came back from a trip where I was flying by myself 00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:24.520 and they had to walk through the airport. 00:30:24.520 --> 00:30:27.400 And man, I caught myself being so critical, 00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:30.280 like this used to be so easy for you before, Ashley, 00:30:30.280 --> 00:30:31.660 you could do this so easily. 00:30:31.660 --> 00:30:35.940 Now this has become so hard, this is so taxing for you. 00:30:35.940 --> 00:30:38.880 And really having to make that active choice 00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:43.480 to shift our mindset to be compassionate towards ourselves. 00:30:43.480 --> 00:30:47.000 Self-compassion is characterized by three different things. 00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:49.240 And the first one is self-kindness. 00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:51.560 Self-kindness can be kind of hard. 00:30:51.560 --> 00:30:54.940 And so I always encourage people to talk to yourself 00:30:54.940 --> 00:30:58.140 the way that she would talk to one of your closest friends. 00:30:58.140 --> 00:31:00.040 The way that we talk to ourselves, 00:31:00.040 --> 00:31:02.800 we would probably never talk to one of our close friends 00:31:02.800 --> 00:31:03.640 that way. 00:31:03.640 --> 00:31:08.160 And so trying to reframe our perspective a little bit 00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:10.400 and view ourselves as a close friend 00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:12.760 and talk to ourselves that way. 00:31:12.760 --> 00:31:14.960 The second thing is called shared humanity. 00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:17.040 And that's essentially like, we're all human. 00:31:17.040 --> 00:31:18.400 We all make mistakes. 00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:20.280 We all have good days. 00:31:20.280 --> 00:31:22.640 We all have bad days and that goes for me, 00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:24.020 that goes for you. 00:31:24.020 --> 00:31:26.280 And so giving myself the permission 00:31:26.280 --> 00:31:30.360 to be a part of humanity and to share that with all of you 00:31:30.360 --> 00:31:32.940 and to not beat myself up for those days 00:31:32.940 --> 00:31:34.640 that are a little bit more challenging 00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:38.520 or I make mistakes or have a failure of some sort, 00:31:38.520 --> 00:31:42.080 really understanding that that's part of being human. 00:31:42.080 --> 00:31:44.120 And the third thing is mindfulness. 00:31:44.120 --> 00:31:47.720 And mindfulness is essentially how do I observe my thoughts 00:31:47.720 --> 00:31:49.760 in a way that's not judgmental? 00:31:49.760 --> 00:31:52.320 How do I just allow the feelings and the thoughts 00:31:52.320 --> 00:31:54.700 that come up to be present, 00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:57.760 but not judge them or criticize myself for having them? 00:31:57.760 --> 00:32:01.480 The second thing is self permission. 00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:04.440 Now, self permission is also a big deal 00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:07.000 because whenever it comes to emotions, 00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:10.120 many of us have learned in our family or in our culture 00:32:10.120 --> 00:32:12.560 that certain emotions are not okay. 00:32:12.560 --> 00:32:14.320 And that if you feel a certain way, 00:32:14.320 --> 00:32:16.360 you should probably quiet that emotion 00:32:16.360 --> 00:32:18.320 and make sure that nobody else sees it 00:32:18.320 --> 00:32:20.600 because we don't wanna be a burden. 00:32:20.600 --> 00:32:23.560 We don't want anybody to see like our cards. 00:32:23.560 --> 00:32:25.860 We don't want anybody to see us sad. 00:32:25.860 --> 00:32:29.080 And so we learned to kind of quiet those things 00:32:29.080 --> 00:32:32.520 and we learned that certain emotions are uncomfortable 00:32:32.520 --> 00:32:34.800 and we label them as being bad. 00:32:34.800 --> 00:32:37.520 And so we try to make sure that there's no space 00:32:37.520 --> 00:32:40.320 for those emotions to exist within us. 00:32:40.320 --> 00:32:42.160 And so self-permission is really, 00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:43.760 I'm gonna give myself permission 00:32:43.760 --> 00:32:45.800 to feel the emotions that are coming up 00:32:45.800 --> 00:32:48.800 because you know what, having a desmoid is hard. 00:32:48.800 --> 00:32:51.440 And so I'm gonna allow myself to just sit 00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:53.520 with the grief of it, sit with the sadness, 00:32:53.520 --> 00:32:56.460 sit with the anxiety or sit with any of the other emotions 00:32:56.460 --> 00:32:59.880 that come up and I'm gonna give them space to exist 00:32:59.880 --> 00:33:02.960 without trying to quiet them or push them aside. 00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:05.720 The third thing is self curiosity. 00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:06.860 And I love this quote. 00:33:06.860 --> 00:33:09.520 It says, "Once you start approaching your body 00:33:09.520 --> 00:33:13.760 with curiosity rather than fear, everything shifts." 00:33:13.760 --> 00:33:16.480 And I put this in the emotional self-care section 00:33:16.480 --> 00:33:18.040 because I'm really talking about it 00:33:18.040 --> 00:33:20.440 from the perspective of emotions. 00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:24.000 Whenever we experience emotion and I'll be, 00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:26.160 I'm a prime offender. 00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:27.440 There are many times, 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.160 especially when it comes to my medical journey, 00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:32.520 when I beat myself up because I tell myself, 00:33:32.520 --> 00:33:35.260 you should be stronger, you should be able to handle that. 00:33:35.260 --> 00:33:36.840 This shouldn't affect you. 00:33:36.840 --> 00:33:38.040 This has happened before. 00:33:38.040 --> 00:33:39.040 Why are you crying? 00:33:39.040 --> 00:33:42.120 Like you know what's happening right now. 00:33:42.120 --> 00:33:44.720 And so rather than beating myself up 00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:47.020 for having those emotions come up, 00:33:47.020 --> 00:33:49.120 let me take a stance of curiosity. 00:33:49.120 --> 00:33:51.260 Let me look at the emotions and ask myself, 00:33:51.260 --> 00:33:53.200 why are these here? 00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.420 Let me notice the course that it decides to run 00:33:56.420 --> 00:33:58.740 and let me again allow space for it 00:33:58.740 --> 00:34:02.500 versus trying to criticize it out of me 00:34:02.500 --> 00:34:04.500 or trying to kind of shut it out of me. 00:34:04.500 --> 00:34:08.860 Self trust is also very important 00:34:08.860 --> 00:34:11.680 and can be very hard for us. 00:34:11.680 --> 00:34:28.680 because self trust goes hand in hand with that thought of like, how can I trust my body if my body's betrayed me and so this can be a really challenging thing to like it, it makes sense it's like a short term but it's a really challenging thing to embody. 00:34:28.680 --> 00:34:35.760 But it's important for us to know that research tells us that psychological distress was most 00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:39.860 likely to be found in those who blamed themselves in some way. 00:34:39.860 --> 00:34:44.400 And so the opposite of trusting ourselves is essentially blaming ourselves, blaming 00:34:44.400 --> 00:34:48.820 ourselves for our situation, blaming ourselves for our diagnosis. 00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:53.820 So how do I trust and get to a place where I can trust myself, trust the decisions that 00:34:53.820 --> 00:34:58.360 I'm making, trust the direction that I'm going? 00:34:58.360 --> 00:34:59.960 The final two things, positivity, 00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:02.360 I'm gonna go into a little bit more later, 00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:05.900 but positivity is a really, really powerful tool 00:35:05.900 --> 00:35:07.840 for emotional self-care. 00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:09.840 But positivity is one of those words 00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:11.800 that people kind of cringe at nowadays 00:35:11.800 --> 00:35:15.380 because there is the reality of toxic positivity 00:35:15.380 --> 00:35:16.840 that comes up. 00:35:16.840 --> 00:35:20.880 And the difference between positivity and toxic positivity, 00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:25.640 toxic positivity is whenever you are not allowed 00:35:25.640 --> 00:35:28.680 to experience the negative or the challenging 00:35:28.680 --> 00:35:32.160 or the difficult emotions that go along with this journey. 00:35:32.160 --> 00:35:35.560 We all have probably been told things before like, 00:35:35.560 --> 00:35:38.460 well, at least you have the good kind of tumor 00:35:38.460 --> 00:35:41.000 or at least you're not on real chemo 00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:46.000 or at least like it's not malignant. 00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:49.000 Like we've all heard these different things before 00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:53.080 where it's essentially a response to our pain that says, 00:35:53.080 --> 00:35:55.080 you know what, you're not allowed to feel 00:35:55.080 --> 00:35:58.760 the hard stuff, just be positive, 00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:01.320 be grateful for all the things that you do have 00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:04.320 and all of the good things that this does bring. 00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:06.960 Positivity is a really powerful tool. 00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:09.240 So I don't want positivity to get lost 00:36:09.240 --> 00:36:12.700 in all of the talk about toxic positivity these days, 00:36:12.700 --> 00:36:16.360 but positivity and really trying to have a positive outlook 00:36:16.360 --> 00:36:19.800 on our situation, on our lives, gratitude, 00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:21.780 these are all really, really powerful things. 00:36:21.780 --> 00:36:24.480 As long as we know that it's just as important 00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:27.880 to experience and feel the difficult things. 00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:31.740 The final thing with emotional is this idea of paradox. 00:36:31.740 --> 00:36:33.580 We live in a society that tells us 00:36:33.580 --> 00:36:36.240 we need to pick one emotion over the other. 00:36:36.240 --> 00:36:38.380 We need to either be happy or sad. 00:36:38.380 --> 00:36:41.900 But the reality is in most situations in life, 00:36:41.900 --> 00:36:45.100 we experience more than one emotion at the same time. 00:36:45.100 --> 00:36:48.340 And so really giving ourselves the permission again, 00:36:48.340 --> 00:36:52.860 to not necessarily choose between all of the variety 00:36:52.860 --> 00:36:56.100 of emotions that we're feeling, but allowing just kind of the 00:36:56.100 --> 00:37:02.140 breadth of what we're feeling to exist. Okay, so spiritual 00:37:02.140 --> 00:37:05.500 self care is going to look different for everybody. And some 00:37:05.500 --> 00:37:08.940 of these things may tie into if you practice a certain faith, 00:37:08.940 --> 00:37:11.980 some of these things will also tie into if you don't practice a 00:37:11.980 --> 00:37:16.420 certain faith. And so the first thing is about cultivating hope. 00:37:16.420 --> 00:37:21.980 And hope is, it's the key to self care. I mean, it's the key 00:37:21.980 --> 00:37:25.560 to resilience, it's the key to recovery. 00:37:25.560 --> 00:37:29.260 And hope sometimes can be a really difficult thing to find. 00:37:29.260 --> 00:37:33.900 And so cultivating and finding hope is a necessity 00:37:33.900 --> 00:37:36.580 and cultivating hope is a choice. 00:37:36.580 --> 00:37:39.160 And so it's something that is active 00:37:39.160 --> 00:37:41.440 and that we have to actively do. 00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:43.860 Now, when we're talking about cultivating hope, 00:37:43.860 --> 00:37:47.300 there's three different actions that need to take place. 00:37:47.300 --> 00:37:49.860 The first one is do we have the ability 00:37:49.860 --> 00:37:52.260 to set a goal for ourselves, an objective, 00:37:52.260 --> 00:37:54.420 something we want to work towards, 00:37:54.420 --> 00:37:57.980 and figuring out how we work towards that goal 00:37:57.980 --> 00:38:00.300 with the ability to be flexible. 00:38:00.300 --> 00:38:03.060 And so the research calls it a pathway. 00:38:03.060 --> 00:38:05.940 That pathway is how do I get towards my goal? 00:38:05.940 --> 00:38:07.740 And the third thing is agency, 00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:10.940 which is essentially I believe in myself enough 00:38:10.940 --> 00:38:13.540 to be able to move towards that goal. 00:38:13.540 --> 00:38:16.940 So can I see something for myself in the future? 00:38:16.940 --> 00:38:19.780 How do I move forward towards it? 00:38:19.780 --> 00:38:22.500 Or how can I figure out how to move towards it 00:38:22.500 --> 00:38:24.900 and the belief in myself that I can do that? 00:38:24.900 --> 00:38:28.540 The second thing is gratitude. 00:38:28.540 --> 00:38:30.460 Gratitude is really significant too, 00:38:30.460 --> 00:38:34.140 but I have to say gratitude can sometimes take a place 00:38:34.140 --> 00:38:36.900 that's shame-based where we tell ourselves, 00:38:36.900 --> 00:38:39.140 don't feel your negative emotions 00:38:39.140 --> 00:38:40.520 or don't feel the hard things 00:38:40.520 --> 00:38:43.540 because look at all of the things that you do have. 00:38:43.540 --> 00:38:47.380 Gratitude doesn't work if it's rooted in shame 00:38:47.380 --> 00:38:49.140 in shaming ourselves. 00:38:49.140 --> 00:38:51.300 And so when we're talking about gratitude, 00:38:51.300 --> 00:38:54.540 we need to look at it from the perspective of grateful 00:38:54.540 --> 00:38:58.180 for who we have, grateful for the circumstances in our life, 00:38:58.180 --> 00:39:01.020 but not as a way to criticize ourselves 00:39:01.020 --> 00:39:04.500 for having challenges or for struggling. 00:39:04.500 --> 00:39:09.060 Mindfulness meditation, again, is what we talked about 00:39:09.060 --> 00:39:12.900 in the last slide of like, how do we observe our lives 00:39:12.900 --> 00:39:14.340 and our thoughts and our feelings 00:39:14.340 --> 00:39:16.300 from the place of non-judgment. 00:39:16.300 --> 00:39:21.020 For those who do have spiritual or religious practices, 00:39:21.020 --> 00:39:23.580 mindfulness meditation might look like 00:39:23.580 --> 00:39:27.960 spending time in meditating on a certain scripture. 00:39:27.960 --> 00:39:33.260 For others, it might look like focusing and meditating 00:39:33.260 --> 00:39:35.260 and bringing your attention to your breath, 00:39:35.260 --> 00:39:36.800 like we talked about before. 00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:40.300 And the final one here is forgiveness. 00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:41.860 We could talk about forgiveness all night, 00:39:41.860 --> 00:39:44.140 And so I'm just touching on it briefly, 00:39:44.140 --> 00:39:46.860 but forgiveness is not only forgiveness for others, 00:39:46.860 --> 00:39:48.980 but forgiveness towards yourself 00:39:48.980 --> 00:39:50.700 or forgiveness towards your body 00:39:50.700 --> 00:39:54.580 for the things that have taken place. 00:39:54.580 --> 00:39:57.140 And again, forgiveness is a choice. 00:39:57.140 --> 00:40:00.020 All of these things in here are action-based. 00:40:00.020 --> 00:40:01.940 They're all choices that we can make. 00:40:01.940 --> 00:40:07.380 With taking care of ourselves socially, 00:40:07.380 --> 00:40:10.580 I think these are some of the most important pieces 00:40:10.580 --> 00:40:12.660 to keep in mind. 00:40:12.660 --> 00:40:14.700 When we're looking for a support system, 00:40:14.700 --> 00:40:17.700 especially if we've experienced something traumatic 00:40:17.700 --> 00:40:20.700 or something challenging, the research 00:40:20.700 --> 00:40:24.460 tells us that the most important factors are a support 00:40:24.460 --> 00:40:29.540 system that promotes quietude, where you can have quiet, 00:40:29.540 --> 00:40:30.860 a sense of safety. 00:40:30.860 --> 00:40:33.980 I feel safe among these people to be myself, 00:40:33.980 --> 00:40:39.420 to express myself, to talk about the reality of my situation, 00:40:39.420 --> 00:40:44.620 and a feeling of being protected that these people would step in and protect me if needed. 00:40:44.620 --> 00:40:51.820 Again, we just talked a little bit about toxic positivity. And I've got to say with all of the 00:40:51.820 --> 00:40:59.180 clients that I meet with, toxic positivity comes up regularly because we live in a society that 00:40:59.180 --> 00:41:05.660 does not know how to handle grief and does not know how to handle pain. We live in a positivity 00:41:05.660 --> 00:41:13.260 society and so anything that is hard or sad or challenging we immediately try to run away from. 00:41:13.260 --> 00:41:16.380 And so many people receive comments like, 00:41:16.380 --> 00:41:23.580 "At least it's not the bad kind, right? At least it's not that hard. At least you didn't lose your 00:41:23.580 --> 00:41:30.540 hair." All of these kinds of comments that really minimize our experience and can be really hurtful 00:41:30.540 --> 00:41:37.180 because they're telling us to just be positive or just be grateful. The toxic positivity piece 00:41:37.180 --> 00:41:45.820 is really rooted in our culture. It's rooted in a culture that really promotes that you should be 00:41:45.820 --> 00:41:52.060 happy all the time and that's kind of a, it's a myth, like that's just not reality. And so it's 00:41:52.060 --> 00:41:57.100 really important whenever we're connecting with people and whenever we're developing a support 00:41:57.100 --> 00:42:06.180 system to understand that toxic positivity exists, but that people generally don't mean 00:42:06.180 --> 00:42:11.860 it negatively and generally aren't trying to minimize and dismiss our situations. 00:42:11.860 --> 00:42:17.420 For us to have grace, and I know that's hard sometimes, it's been hard in some of my situations 00:42:17.420 --> 00:42:23.840 too, but to have grace in regards to this need to always be positive and to maybe take 00:42:23.840 --> 00:42:29.120 a stance of educating people on what it's like to experience challenges or what it's 00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:32.840 like to have a Desmoid tumor. 00:42:32.840 --> 00:42:39.040 Because sometimes those people who engage in toxic positivity or make toxicly positive 00:42:39.040 --> 00:42:41.240 comments can be very supportive. 00:42:41.240 --> 00:42:42.840 They just don't know what to say. 00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:49.520 So it's really us assuming the best or mending relationships with people who have communicated 00:42:49.520 --> 00:42:53.440 to us in a way that is toxic positivity. 00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:58.800 In our world, it's very important for us to connect with other people, both other Desmoid 00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:02.880 patients but also people outside of the Desmoid community. 00:43:02.880 --> 00:43:08.860 It's important for us not to root our whole identity and our diagnosis and to have those 00:43:08.860 --> 00:43:12.640 friendships and relationships outside of the Desmoid community. 00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:17.000 But man, I got to be honest with you, having people inside of the Desmoid community is 00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:18.520 a game changer. 00:43:18.520 --> 00:43:25.180 I had an MRI today and I've sent text messages to like four or five of my Desmoid friends 00:43:25.180 --> 00:43:26.980 because they get it. 00:43:26.980 --> 00:43:29.480 They know what today looks like for me. 00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:35.500 And so receiving encouragement from them today has been very different than receiving encouragement 00:43:35.500 --> 00:43:39.380 from people who haven't been through it before. 00:43:39.380 --> 00:43:41.260 Finally boundaries is very important. 00:43:41.260 --> 00:43:43.980 And again, we could talk about this all night long. 00:43:43.980 --> 00:43:48.220 I'm just going to give a short little story. 00:43:48.220 --> 00:43:53.220 A couple of months ago, I was starting to spend some time 00:43:53.220 --> 00:43:57.740 with a new friend and she is very kind, very interested, 00:43:57.740 --> 00:44:00.460 very invested, asks a lot of questions, 00:44:00.460 --> 00:44:03.340 wants to know what my experience is like. 00:44:03.340 --> 00:44:05.700 She invited me out to an event 00:44:05.700 --> 00:44:08.060 and as soon as we get to that event, she says, 00:44:08.060 --> 00:44:10.700 "Ashley, hang on a second, I'll be right back." 00:44:10.700 --> 00:44:14.580 About 15 minutes later, she comes back with event security 00:44:14.580 --> 00:44:17.660 and they say that they've changed our seating arrangements 00:44:17.660 --> 00:44:21.540 because they just learned that I have cancer. 00:44:21.540 --> 00:44:25.800 And so this new friend went and told the event staff 00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:28.580 that I had cancer and asked for closer seats 00:44:28.580 --> 00:44:30.300 and more accommodations. 00:44:30.300 --> 00:44:33.620 Well, at first I felt very frustrated by this 00:44:33.620 --> 00:44:37.740 because I don't like people to use my situation 00:44:37.740 --> 00:44:40.940 in order to benefit or to gain from it. 00:44:40.940 --> 00:44:44.140 And I was about ready to say, you know what? 00:44:44.140 --> 00:44:47.060 I'm not gonna spend time with this person anymore. 00:44:47.060 --> 00:44:49.180 they just don't get it. 00:44:49.180 --> 00:44:53.060 But instead, I decided, let me set a boundary 00:44:53.060 --> 00:44:55.660 because if I'm clear about what I'm OK with, 00:44:55.660 --> 00:44:57.140 that's actually kind. 00:44:57.140 --> 00:44:59.460 If I'm unclear, that's unkind. 00:44:59.460 --> 00:45:03.140 And so if I just don't say anything and I disengage, 00:45:03.140 --> 00:45:03.940 that's unkind. 00:45:03.940 --> 00:45:06.780 And so let me at least try to set a boundary. 00:45:06.780 --> 00:45:10.540 This friend was very apologetic, completely understood, 00:45:10.540 --> 00:45:13.780 and has become one of my biggest supporters 00:45:13.780 --> 00:45:15.820 during this round of treatment and has 00:45:15.820 --> 00:45:18.820 been very invested and very engaged. 00:45:18.820 --> 00:45:21.780 And so setting boundaries really has the potential 00:45:21.780 --> 00:45:24.820 of preserving our social relationships 00:45:24.820 --> 00:45:26.860 versus when we think about boundaries, 00:45:26.860 --> 00:45:29.480 we tend to think about like constructing walls 00:45:29.480 --> 00:45:31.080 to keep people out. 00:45:31.080 --> 00:45:32.700 But in reality, we're really trying 00:45:32.700 --> 00:45:34.400 to preserve our relationships. 00:45:34.400 --> 00:45:37.900 These next two slides I'm gonna go through really quickly 00:45:37.900 --> 00:45:39.640 because for the sake of time, 00:45:39.640 --> 00:45:42.020 I wanna make sure we have time for questions. 00:45:42.020 --> 00:45:44.500 But in regards to intellectual self-care, 00:45:44.500 --> 00:45:47.220 these four things are very important. 00:45:47.220 --> 00:45:50.800 And the way that they show up in your life 00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:53.560 is gonna be different for every single person. 00:45:53.560 --> 00:45:56.380 So how can we put ourselves in situations 00:45:56.380 --> 00:45:58.600 where we can learn something? 00:45:58.600 --> 00:46:00.500 How can we put ourselves in situations 00:46:00.500 --> 00:46:04.580 where we can solve problems, where we can be challenged? 00:46:04.580 --> 00:46:07.460 Now, this can happen in different areas of our life. 00:46:07.460 --> 00:46:08.660 This can happen at home. 00:46:08.660 --> 00:46:09.760 This can happen at work. 00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:11.960 This can happen by putting together a puzzle 00:46:11.960 --> 00:46:13.780 or playing a board game. 00:46:13.780 --> 00:46:17.060 But how do we incorporate learning, 00:46:17.060 --> 00:46:21.220 solving problems and being challenged into our lives? 00:46:21.220 --> 00:46:23.780 The final thing on here is monitoring our self-talk. 00:46:23.780 --> 00:46:26.700 We've talked about the self-criticism before. 00:46:26.700 --> 00:46:28.620 And so from an intellectual point of view, 00:46:28.620 --> 00:46:31.740 it's important for us to investigate our thoughts, 00:46:31.740 --> 00:46:34.140 to be aware of our thoughts that come up 00:46:34.140 --> 00:46:37.140 so that we can monitor the negative self-talk 00:46:37.140 --> 00:46:40.400 and flip it and reframe it to be more compassionate, 00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:41.940 more kind to ourselves 00:46:41.940 --> 00:46:44.500 and really engage in that shared humanity. 00:46:44.500 --> 00:46:48.860 The final thing about self-care is sensory self-care. 00:46:48.860 --> 00:46:51.420 This one I think is very, very important. 00:46:51.420 --> 00:46:55.460 And so how do I take care of all of my different senses? 00:46:55.460 --> 00:46:57.540 My sense of taste, what does that mean? 00:46:57.540 --> 00:46:58.500 What do I enjoy? 00:46:58.500 --> 00:46:59.900 What food do I enjoy? 00:46:59.900 --> 00:47:01.940 What beverages do I enjoy? 00:47:01.940 --> 00:47:04.100 And how can I incorporate that into my life 00:47:04.100 --> 00:47:07.940 in a way where I'm being intentional about enjoying them 00:47:07.940 --> 00:47:10.140 rather than indulging in them? 00:47:10.140 --> 00:47:13.400 My sense of smell might be things like aromatherapy. 00:47:13.400 --> 00:47:18.040 I like having essential oils going on throughout my house. 00:47:18.040 --> 00:47:22.260 My hearing, that might be what music do I like? 00:47:22.260 --> 00:47:24.820 Do I like having music on whenever I'm home, 00:47:24.820 --> 00:47:27.400 whenever I'm driving, let me create a playlist 00:47:27.400 --> 00:47:31.400 or do something that gets me exposed to music 00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:34.260 because music really helps calm my nervous system 00:47:34.260 --> 00:47:36.040 or improve my mood. 00:47:36.040 --> 00:47:39.480 Tactile, things that I like to touch 00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:41.120 or things that I like to see. 00:47:41.120 --> 00:47:42.380 And whenever I see things, 00:47:42.380 --> 00:47:44.960 that might be like my environment, 00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:47.720 what's aesthetically pleasing to me, 00:47:47.720 --> 00:47:50.960 what do I like to look at? 00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:52.140 What colors do I like? 00:47:52.140 --> 00:47:54.480 Having those types of things in my environment. 00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:59.220 Finally, all of these things in regards to self-care, 00:47:59.220 --> 00:48:00.480 they're all a commitment. 00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:02.700 And so I've said it throughout tonight, 00:48:02.700 --> 00:48:07.480 self-care is a choice, self-care is action. 00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.520 And so incorporating a lot of these things into your life, 00:48:10.520 --> 00:48:12.880 it's a decision that you're making 00:48:12.880 --> 00:48:17.200 to intentionally incorporate them into your life, 00:48:17.200 --> 00:48:20.720 but the key is incorporating them without shame. 00:48:20.720 --> 00:48:23.400 Because often we're so used to putting things 00:48:23.400 --> 00:48:26.160 on our task list of like, I've got to do this today 00:48:26.160 --> 00:48:27.760 and this today and this today. 00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:30.560 And self-care becomes just another task. 00:48:30.560 --> 00:48:32.280 And if I don't do it, 00:48:32.280 --> 00:48:35.120 then I'm going to beat myself up for not doing it. 00:48:35.120 --> 00:48:38.400 and then it becomes just another way of shaming myself. 00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:41.900 And so we have to be really careful to commit to self-care 00:48:41.900 --> 00:48:45.080 but not using shame as our motivator 00:48:45.080 --> 00:48:47.120 for making sure that we intentionally 00:48:47.120 --> 00:48:48.760 incorporate it into our lives. 00:48:48.760 --> 00:48:53.240 So I hope that you all have something 00:48:53.240 --> 00:48:55.220 that looks a little bit like this. 00:48:55.220 --> 00:48:56.880 It might look a little bit different, 00:48:56.880 --> 00:48:58.800 but in your self-care plan, 00:48:58.800 --> 00:49:00.720 there's a couple of different things 00:49:00.720 --> 00:49:03.120 that you've been able to identify 00:49:03.120 --> 00:49:07.920 and been able to record in order to begin to actively work 00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:10.960 on incorporating some of these different self-care strategies 00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:11.800 into your life. 00:49:11.800 --> 00:49:16.280 Now, these resources, I'm just gonna leave this up 00:49:16.280 --> 00:49:19.520 for a second because a lot of these books were used 00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:22.520 to create this training specifically. 00:49:22.520 --> 00:49:23.960 I recommend all of them. 00:49:23.960 --> 00:49:26.920 I wish I only had a couple that were like the best, 00:49:26.920 --> 00:49:28.160 but I recommend all of them, 00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:31.680 especially whenever it comes to having different strategies 00:49:31.680 --> 00:49:33.800 to take care of yourself. 00:49:33.800 --> 00:49:35.560 This book, "The Wisdom of Your Body" 00:49:35.560 --> 00:49:37.440 might be my top recommendation 00:49:37.440 --> 00:49:39.920 because it actually gives a lot of tools 00:49:39.920 --> 00:49:42.760 and a lot of strategies for how do I get back in touch 00:49:42.760 --> 00:49:46.160 with my body whenever that disconnection has happened 00:49:46.160 --> 00:49:49.080 because of trauma, because of pain, because of discomfort, 00:49:49.080 --> 00:49:52.380 because of emotions, I don't wanna feel all of those things. 00:49:52.380 --> 00:49:55.020 So I ran through the last two really fast, 00:49:55.020 --> 00:49:58.040 but I really want to open it up for questions. 00:49:58.040 --> 00:50:02.020 And so Lynn shared that in the little Q and A box, 00:50:02.020 --> 00:50:05.640 you can ask some questions and over in a couple of minutes, 00:50:05.640 --> 00:50:08.240 hopefully I'll be able to answer some of them for you guys. 00:50:08.240 --> 00:50:10.540 - That's great. 00:50:10.540 --> 00:50:12.080 Thank you so much, Ashley. 00:50:12.080 --> 00:50:14.160 This was wonderful. 00:50:14.160 --> 00:50:16.540 I feel like every time you do another webinar, 00:50:16.540 --> 00:50:17.880 it becomes my new favorite. 00:50:17.880 --> 00:50:21.480 I just, I feel like anybody could relate to this 00:50:21.480 --> 00:50:23.840 and I thought it was great that it's pointed 00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:27.100 towards the Desmoid tumor patient community. 00:50:27.100 --> 00:50:29.000 So we do have a couple questions, 00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:32.420 but I'm actually gonna kick mine off first. 00:50:32.420 --> 00:50:37.420 So someone once told me that watching TV is not rest, 00:50:37.420 --> 00:50:40.260 is not self-care. 00:50:40.260 --> 00:50:43.780 And I like, it kind of makes sense to me, 00:50:43.780 --> 00:50:44.900 but I really don't get it. 00:50:44.900 --> 00:50:46.500 And I was wondering if you could pull that apart 00:50:46.500 --> 00:50:47.660 a little bit. 00:50:47.660 --> 00:50:49.020 - Yeah, I'm glad that you asked that 00:50:49.020 --> 00:50:52.140 because self-care is really all about intention 00:50:52.140 --> 00:50:54.000 and the intention behind it. 00:50:54.000 --> 00:50:56.860 And so is watching TV self-care? 00:50:56.860 --> 00:50:59.700 It could be, but if we're looking at it 00:50:59.700 --> 00:51:04.700 in regards to moderation versus something that's excessive, 00:51:04.700 --> 00:51:07.060 we, in regards to self-care, 00:51:07.060 --> 00:51:10.560 it would be looking at watching TV in moderation. 00:51:10.560 --> 00:51:13.700 Now there are gonna be certain things like the blue light 00:51:13.700 --> 00:51:16.300 is going to increase your cortisol levels. 00:51:16.300 --> 00:51:18.580 And so if you're watching TV right before bed 00:51:18.580 --> 00:51:20.260 and it impacts your sleep, 00:51:20.260 --> 00:51:22.920 maybe it's not the best self-care exercise. 00:51:22.920 --> 00:51:26.080 If you're watching TV to kind of numb yourself 00:51:26.080 --> 00:51:28.060 and escape from the emotions 00:51:28.060 --> 00:51:30.640 and the things that you're experiencing in your life, 00:51:30.640 --> 00:51:33.120 maybe that's not considered self-care. 00:51:33.120 --> 00:51:37.000 But if you're like really into a TV series right now 00:51:37.000 --> 00:51:39.340 and you're like just waiting for the next one 00:51:39.340 --> 00:51:41.480 and you have to know what happens 00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:44.360 and this TV show brings you joy 00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:49.240 and you're able to watch it for the enjoyment of the content 00:51:49.240 --> 00:51:53.300 versus watching it to escape from your outside life, 00:51:53.300 --> 00:51:55.900 then that would be considered self-care. 00:51:55.900 --> 00:51:58.900 Because this is something that's actually energizing me. 00:51:58.900 --> 00:52:00.740 It's actually filling me up. 00:52:00.740 --> 00:52:02.700 It might even be giving me content 00:52:02.700 --> 00:52:06.240 to go and talk to my closest friends and engage socially 00:52:06.240 --> 00:52:09.540 in a way where we all can talk about the TV series. 00:52:09.540 --> 00:52:13.300 And so intention is really the most important thing. 00:52:13.300 --> 00:52:15.940 We can't say for anything blanket, 00:52:15.940 --> 00:52:17.900 this is a self-care practice, 00:52:17.900 --> 00:52:21.120 because yeah, our intentions differ. 00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:24.060 And so if our intention is to escape 00:52:24.060 --> 00:52:25.960 from what's going on inside of our bodies, 00:52:25.960 --> 00:52:27.740 to escape from the outside world, 00:52:27.740 --> 00:52:29.880 then it would not be self-care. 00:52:29.880 --> 00:52:30.860 Does that clarify? 00:52:30.860 --> 00:52:33.640 - It does, it does make sense. 00:52:33.640 --> 00:52:36.480 It definitely clears things up for me, thank you. 00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:41.120 So I know you said we were gonna talk 00:52:41.120 --> 00:52:43.800 about six areas of self-care. 00:52:43.800 --> 00:52:46.580 Do you have any others that you could name? 00:52:47.540 --> 00:52:49.420 Yeah, so there's a lot of others, 00:52:49.420 --> 00:52:52.500 and you can add this to your self-care list 00:52:52.500 --> 00:52:54.180 and your self-care plan. 00:52:54.180 --> 00:52:57.640 We talked about some of the most common 00:52:57.640 --> 00:53:00.780 or ones that we all experience in our life, 00:53:00.780 --> 00:53:03.700 but we might be looking at medical self-care, 00:53:03.700 --> 00:53:05.220 especially in our community. 00:53:05.220 --> 00:53:07.940 And so what does medical self-care look like? 00:53:07.940 --> 00:53:10.720 That might look like taking your medication 00:53:10.720 --> 00:53:12.660 or going to your doctor's offices 00:53:12.660 --> 00:53:15.700 or getting your scans on time 00:53:15.700 --> 00:53:19.280 or actually following your treatment plan. 00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:21.680 And so medical self-care is gonna be one 00:53:21.680 --> 00:53:23.960 that's very important for our community. 00:53:23.960 --> 00:53:27.280 So I would encourage that being added to the list. 00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:28.880 There's professional self-care. 00:53:28.880 --> 00:53:31.400 How do we take care of ourselves at our job? 00:53:31.400 --> 00:53:35.780 Our work relationships are different than our friendships, 00:53:35.780 --> 00:53:37.960 but some of them might overlap 00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:40.240 and the way that we interact might be the same. 00:53:40.240 --> 00:53:42.320 And so there might need to be certain boundaries 00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:44.380 set at work with other people, 00:53:44.380 --> 00:53:47.780 but also with ourselves and how we engage in work 00:53:47.780 --> 00:53:49.840 and how much we push ourselves. 00:53:49.840 --> 00:53:52.920 There's financial self-care. 00:53:52.920 --> 00:53:54.440 How do we take care of our finances? 00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:56.040 How do we spend our money? 00:53:56.040 --> 00:54:00.300 Environmental, what does our environment look like? 00:54:00.300 --> 00:54:02.820 Recreational, how are we spending our time? 00:54:02.820 --> 00:54:06.340 What are the fun things that we're engaging in? 00:54:06.340 --> 00:54:09.520 Self-care in regards to our tasks and our responsibilities 00:54:09.520 --> 00:54:11.380 that we have to fulfill every day. 00:54:11.380 --> 00:54:15.760 And so there's a lot of different realms of self-care 00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:17.880 and we can look at them all individually. 00:54:17.880 --> 00:54:21.040 There are some things that are gonna cross over, 00:54:21.040 --> 00:54:24.200 but I would say those are some of the additional ones. 00:54:24.200 --> 00:54:26.480 Medical is really important for our community. 00:54:26.480 --> 00:54:29.400 - Okay, great. 00:54:29.400 --> 00:54:35.980 And lastly, how do you forgive your body? 00:54:39.720 --> 00:54:44.320 - Yeah, that's a loaded question, it's a big one. 00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:49.280 And in reality for those in our community with Desmoids, 00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:51.000 those that I've spoken to with cancer, 00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:52.520 chronic illness, rare disease, 00:54:52.520 --> 00:54:57.440 that piece of feeling betrayed by our body is a big one. 00:54:57.440 --> 00:55:01.360 And so how do we not even necessarily forgive ourselves, 00:55:01.360 --> 00:55:02.920 but forgive our body for the things 00:55:02.920 --> 00:55:07.440 that we have experienced or that feeling of betrayal? 00:55:07.440 --> 00:55:09.360 Again, we could talk about it all night, 00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:11.860 but I think one of the most important pieces 00:55:11.860 --> 00:55:15.940 when it comes to forgiveness is developing empathy. 00:55:15.940 --> 00:55:17.920 And when we talk about forgiveness 00:55:17.920 --> 00:55:20.660 and extending forgiveness towards somebody else, 00:55:20.660 --> 00:55:24.580 one of the key components is developing empathy 00:55:24.580 --> 00:55:26.300 for the person who has hurt us. 00:55:26.300 --> 00:55:29.560 And so if that person is our body, 00:55:29.560 --> 00:55:31.820 how do we develop empathy for our body 00:55:31.820 --> 00:55:36.100 in the way that it's actually trying to protect us 00:55:36.100 --> 00:55:37.660 or maybe even trying to heal us 00:55:37.660 --> 00:55:40.060 from the things that we're experiencing, you know? 00:55:40.060 --> 00:55:42.700 And so the education that we're doing 00:55:42.700 --> 00:55:45.620 is very, very important whenever we're talking 00:55:45.620 --> 00:55:48.260 about this concept of forgiving our body. 00:55:48.260 --> 00:55:50.460 Because over the last couple of sessions, 00:55:50.460 --> 00:55:52.980 we've learned things like, you know what? 00:55:52.980 --> 00:55:55.940 Your body actually maybe isn't fighting against you. 00:55:55.940 --> 00:55:58.440 Maybe all of these things you're experiencing 00:55:58.440 --> 00:56:01.260 and the reactions and the triggers and the anxiety 00:56:01.260 --> 00:56:03.460 and some of these uncomfortable things 00:56:03.460 --> 00:56:06.720 are actually our body's way of trying to protect us 00:56:06.720 --> 00:56:09.820 and trying to alert us to threats 00:56:09.820 --> 00:56:11.640 and trying to make sure that we're safe 00:56:11.640 --> 00:56:13.440 and we're well taken care of. 00:56:13.440 --> 00:56:16.600 And so if I can develop this sense of empathy 00:56:16.600 --> 00:56:20.040 towards my body and all of the things that it's trying to do 00:56:20.040 --> 00:56:23.200 and how hard it is working to actually take care of me 00:56:23.200 --> 00:56:27.080 and protect me and make sure my survival, 00:56:27.080 --> 00:56:29.040 then I can have a different perspective 00:56:29.040 --> 00:56:32.120 on how I relate to my body. 00:56:32.120 --> 00:56:34.520 And rather than seeing it as betraying me, 00:56:34.520 --> 00:56:37.820 is there something else that is coming into play 00:56:37.820 --> 00:56:40.680 that's affecting both of us because I am my body, 00:56:40.680 --> 00:56:42.100 I'm not separate from it. 00:56:42.100 --> 00:56:43.920 And so big, big question, 00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:45.860 we could talk about it for a very long time, 00:56:45.860 --> 00:56:48.520 but I would say that the first thing is 00:56:48.520 --> 00:56:50.840 how do I really get to understand the fact 00:56:50.840 --> 00:56:54.120 that my body is working to protect me 00:56:54.120 --> 00:56:56.260 in developing empathy for all of the things 00:56:56.260 --> 00:56:58.620 that it's trying to do versus looking at it 00:56:58.620 --> 00:57:02.320 from the perspective of how it's fighting against me. 00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:03.160 Yeah. 00:57:03.160 --> 00:57:14.160 I really love that. Thank you. So I think that's all the questions that we have for now. Do you have anything else that you want to add before we close. 00:57:14.160 --> 00:57:33.160 I don't. I just know I'm very thankful for the opportunity to do these and to speak to the Des Moines community. And with this one in particular, I think it's just such a pertinent topic to all of us because self care is really a proactive decision. 00:57:33.160 --> 00:57:38.160 And as we continue on this journey, and again, 00:57:38.160 --> 00:57:40.920 just how important it is to give ourselves 00:57:40.920 --> 00:57:44.160 the permission to practice self-care, 00:57:44.160 --> 00:57:45.760 knowing that it's not selfish, 00:57:45.760 --> 00:57:47.440 knowing that it's not indulgent, 00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:52.440 knowing that it's not only for our benefit, 00:57:52.440 --> 00:57:54.800 but it's for our benefit so that we can go out 00:57:54.800 --> 00:57:56.960 and continue to actively engage in the world 00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:58.240 and in our relationships. 00:57:58.240 --> 00:58:02.640 And so hopefully some of this information was different 00:58:02.640 --> 00:58:08.480 what you've heard typically with self-care. If you do like the spa, great, continue to do that, 00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:13.680 but hopefully there are some additional strategies to help in being proactive about caring for 00:58:13.680 --> 00:58:22.800 ourselves. Okay, well said. Well said. Thank you so much Ashley for addressing the topic of self-care 00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:29.920 today. I'm sure that like you mentioned, I'm sure that everyone can relate. So we also thank the 00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:33.200 the Desmoid Tumor Patient and Care Partner communities 00:58:33.200 --> 00:58:35.080 for joining us. 00:58:35.080 --> 00:58:37.960 Please note that we will be sharing a recording 00:58:37.960 --> 00:58:40.520 of this webinar after it's edited 00:58:40.520 --> 00:58:44.840 in probably roughly like two weeks. 00:58:44.840 --> 00:58:47.680 All dealing with Desmoid's content can be found 00:58:47.680 --> 00:58:52.680 at dtrf.org/dealingwithdesmoids, that's all one word, 00:58:52.680 --> 00:58:54.520 dealing with Desmoids. 00:58:55.540 --> 00:59:00.060 go to dtrf.org to subscribe to our mailing list 00:59:00.060 --> 00:59:02.100 so that you'll receive the notification 00:59:02.100 --> 00:59:04.620 of when the recording is available. 00:59:04.620 --> 00:59:07.940 Also stay tuned, we will be hosting another dealing 00:59:07.940 --> 00:59:11.600 with Desmoids webinar coming up in September, 00:59:11.600 --> 00:59:13.600 actually this is gonna be a special one. 00:59:13.600 --> 00:59:19.700 And also make sure to join us for DTRFs together we will 00:59:19.700 --> 00:59:24.140 virtual weekend from September 23rd to the 25th 00:59:24.140 --> 00:59:28.580 and you can learn more at our website, dtrf.org. 00:59:28.580 --> 00:59:30.220 I think that's it. 00:59:30.220 --> 00:59:32.480 Ashley, thank you so much again. 00:59:32.480 --> 00:59:36.580 We hope that everyone has a wonderful night or morning 00:59:36.580 --> 00:59:38.140 wherever you are. 00:59:38.140 --> 00:59:38.980 Thank you. 00:59:38.980 --> 00:59:41.560 (gentle music) 00:59:41.560 --> 00:59:51.560 [Music]